Walney Mosque

I had picked up from a local supermarket; my fare was a middle aged woman who started to whinge about everything and anything from the very moment she got into the taxi.
She was going to Walney island and on the way started to whinge about problems she had about the island, after a moan about the wind which is always prevalent over there she started on the subject of new folks moving on to the island. "The bloody p***i's are taking over the place" she moaned, "They are even taking over the bloody pubs," she cried.
She explained what she meant in a long racist rant which boiled down to that some Asians had taken on a local island pub the King Alfred and turned part of it into an Indian restaurant and renaming it the Mr Elephant, and then they had gone on to take over the George Hotel another island pub which has long been in decline.
Driving along Walneys promenade, she looked up towards what was a long abandoned church which has now been demolished apart from its bell tower and was covered by scaffolding.
“What are they doing there?” she asked pointing at the tower.
Instantly my evil alter ego kicked in and keeping a straight face, I lied to her that it was going to be the new mosque for all the muslins moving onto Walney.
Egged on by the look of sheer outrage on her face I went on to say that they had left the bell tower intact to convert to a minaret so that the call to prayer could be heard all over the island.

She was still muttering and plotting petitions and letters to her MP when I dropped her off ten minutes later.

I keep laughing about it every time I drive past the pretend mosque several times a day; hope she doesn’t remember me next time I pick her up eh!

Taxi Forums

Its new and not much there but with your contributions could be beneficial to the cumbrian taxi trade. Although aimed towards the Cumbrian taxi driver in the UK the forums are open to anyone regardless of where they are from.

www.cumbriataxiforums.co.uk

Porche Taxi

 A Porche Taxi in Bangkok or so it seems this is a publicity stunt for Samsung.

Eyes bigger than the belly!

 I took these photos on Barrow's Rating Lane during the morning rush hour. This is a semi suburban area with lots of traffic and students passing to and from the three nearby schools and college.
 I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the hawk take the wood pigeon down in mid flight especially when I saw that it was about equal in size.
I stopped the taxi and did a hasty u-turn back to where the hawk had its intended meal pinned down and then zoomed in from across the road.
I don’t know if the hawk was disturbed by me taking the photos or it had bitten of more than it could chew with the size of its victim, but the softies amongst you will be glad to know that shortly after the hawk posed for these photos the pigeon flew away unharmed apart from a few lost feathers.

CowHorse

It constantly amazes me that when I point out this funny road sign to my fares most have never noticed it before. The sign is on one of the busiest roads out of Barrow and thousands and thousands of folk drive past many times a day without even noticing it. I love the way its done so skillfully a cross between a cattle warning and a horse and rider sign, very clever.

Code of Conduct

Below is a copy of our local councils proposed code of conduct.

Personally I agree with all of it and it seems to me to be all common sense.

I know of some local drivers who are whinging about it but the local trade desperately needs to improve standards of both cars and drivers.

It doesn't take more than a quick look around our local ranks and driver hangouts to spot a minority of drivers who fail to keep themselves and the cars which earn them a living clean and tidy.

The biggest problem in the local trade is simply apathy, drivers will moan and whinge about the trade between themselves but wont bother to get up off there butts and do something about it.

A copy of this proposed code of conduct has been sent to all the drivers but most of them if they bother to read it at all will simply moan about the cheek of the local council expecting them to come to the WORKPLACE clean and tidy.

 I just wonder if this code of conduct will be enforced, I sincerely hope so!

 We are often the first point of contact when we pick up people from out of the town, what sort of first  impression do we want to leave them with!

Overkill or Not?

Just got this e-mailed to me! what do you think is this really necessary in this quiet Cumbria backwater or should we not be taking chances nowadays?
Are things getting that bad nowadays that taxi drivers should really be considering investing in one of these. Maybe not but then again think back to just over twelve months ago since Cumbria taxi driver Derek Bird went on a rampage with a shotgun killing twelve people including a fellow driver and shooting and attempting to kill two more cabbies.  

The Language Barrier

Well not so much the language but the dialect of 2 indian dopctors I had picked up that wanted to go to the local hospital.. I asked them which entrance and one of them said "ANY".. Fine. Maybe I should ask again so I did and got the same response "ANY". I said "Are you sure you want any entrance?" and he said YES.

I then said I would take them to the main entrance and he said "No... I want any entrance". This had me a little baffled until he said it a bit slower. "I want A and E Entrance".

I felt a right plonker.

Furness Tours

If you get the chance check out my new venture, which seems to be generating  quite a lot of interest. The website is www.furnesstours.co.uk

Candy Cabs

Just been sent an E-Mail asking if I would like to buy a new taxi as pictured above. Apparently its one of the cars used in the new BBC series Candy Cabs. Mmmm tempted but maybe not eh! might not go down well when picking up some of our more macho fares.

Pre-booked cab

Some people will always book their taxi well in advance and will ask for a taxi at 9am or 10.30pm or five to eleven etc etc but theres always one that has to be a bit eccentric I suppose..

I didnt think anything of it at first until I noticed on the PDA screen (image to the left) that the job was pre-booked for 9.02pm and even so I thought that the customer had rang it asking for it in 20 mins and the telephonist at our end had booked it in as 20 minutes from the current time for example but curiosity got the better of me and so I questioned the young man and asked "What time did you book your cab for" expecting him to say 9pm. He actually said 2 minutes past nine and went on to explain that he was meeting a girl in the pub and had told her that if she wasnt there by 9pm that he would be going without her and he had rang the taxi at 8pm ish anticipating that she wasnt going to turn up and allowed 2 minutes at 9pm and then got in the taxi and went on his way.

Things people say in an argumant

It was around 11pm last night that I picked up a young man and woman who were constantly arguing with each other from the moment they got in the car. The argument stopped briefly to allow one of them to tell me where they wanted to go to and then it started again as quickly as it stopped.

I didnt want to get involved and just kept driving and saying nothing as on a lot of occasions they do try and involve the driver with questions such as "What do you think then? I am right or is she right?" I don't get involved in other peoples arguments as I just want to get my job done. Get them to their destination, get the fare from them, and move on to my next job.

However, I couldnt help but laugh when the girl says to Boy "You think you are gods gift to women, well sorry to burst your bubble but gods gift to women runs on batteries! :) " --- Made me laugh anyway

Window Cleaner

I have gotten used to some of my fares taking their own sweet time coming out of their houses and getting into the Taxi that they have ordered. Usually it’s a case of not being quite ready because the cab arrived quicker than they thought. Sometimes they struggle to find keys, mobile phone, tickets etc, this is par for the course and doesn’t bother me unduly.

But today when I arrived outside the fares house bang on time was a first for me and left me slightly bewildered. My fare, a well dressed fairly normal looking woman looked out of her front door and raised one finger towards me which is the usual signal to say that she would be out in a minute or so. Imagine my surprise when she reappeared with a window cleaning squeegee and promptly started to clean her front bay window.

She rushed at it as a woman possessed and the squeegee was a blur as she washed and dried off her window in record time.

She then threw the window cleaning gear back into her house, came out, and got in the taxi.

She could see my perplexed expression and so had to give me some kind of explanation.  She said “that mucky window has been driving me mad all morning and I just couldn’t leave the house with it like that, it would have driven me mad thinking about it.”

Some folk really are a bit strange eh!

Busy Docks

The local Docks in Barrow in Furness seem to be booming at the moment. Everywhere you look on every spare inch of water a ship or boat is moored.

 This comes about because of the boom in the offshore wind turbine industry.

 We have several big projects going on at the moment in the Irish Sea off Walney. Unfortunately, most of the materials and labor are supplied by the Dutch and Danish, I would have liked to have seen more UK involvement but as most of the investment is by Danish companies, we will have to accept it as sort of second invasion of the Vikings. Still I have had quite a few of the workers and crew as passengers and they seem like a nice bunch of characters.

Wondering about amongst all these ships and boats looking for my fare I was amazed to spot an ex RAF jetfighter hidden away in a corner, How did that get there?

Pen and Paper

On a wet and windy Saturday, afternoon and my fare who was a woman of a mature vintage shivered and dripped copious amounts of cold Barrow rainwater as she climbed into my cab. After the usual weather related chit chat, she declared that she had only ventured out into town in this heavy storm to buy some paper and refills for her fountain pen. Refills for a pen I exclaimed why not just buy another pen surely; they only cost a few pence. She looked horrified at the very idea and asked just when the last time that I had received a handwritten letter was. I thought about it for a minute or two and had to admit I couldn’t remember receiving one for many a year.
Come to think of it, the only items that seem to come by post nowadays are bills, computer written official letters or printed junk mail adverts. When I told her this she gave a knowing smile and asked what I do with this correspondence,” it goes straight into the shredder” I replied.  Well she says, “I have been writing to as many as thirty different folk all over the world some as far away as Australia for the last fifty years and all of them tell me that they still have every one of my letters”.   She must have seen the puzzled look on my face and as if for explanation dug into, her leather bag and pulled out a sheath of handwritten letters. Take a look at some of these she urged, and so when we pulled up outside her house I took the time to check out one or two.
The envelopes and paper used were all of the very best quality and the handwriting was absolutely superb, even though the heavy paper was unlined, every line was equally spaced and looked like a piece of artwork. Not a spelling mistake or grammar error could be seen. Wow, it was a pleasure to even look and read one of the multipage masterpieces, never mind to actually have one sent to you through the post.
I really was impressed and if a Parker fountain pen came along with a spellchecker, I may have even thought about investing in one. No, wonder her readers treasured her letters and I hope that she keeps the art of letter writing alive for many years to come.      

Concept Taxis

Take a look at this slide show of Concept New York Taxis
The Maxi addresses the very real threat of violence facing cab drivers. Says Johnson, “For the sake of exaggeration, the taxi looks impenetrable and fearsome, like a Brink’s truck.

New York Taxi?

Is this the long awaited replacement for the iconic New York Taxi? This is one of the finalists.

Hello Sailor

 Spotted this one and could not resist reposting it! But really do think that there may be some truth in amongst it.
Details have been released regarding Britain's introduction of the next generation of fighting ships: The Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships of this class HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the HM Ships naming committee have, after intensive counselling, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The final four ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively bristle with facilities.
For instance, the new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.
Stress counselors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains: this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18.
The lash will still be available but only by request.
Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist, and is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this applies equally to the women.
The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
The newly-renamed HMS Cautious is due to be re-commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
She will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In the Navy" by the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
Sea Trials are expected to take place, when she sets out on her maiden mission. She will be escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the south coast.
The Prime Minister said that "While the ships reflected the very latest of modern thinking they were also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation.
His final words were "Britain never, never waives the rules!"

Welcome Home?

At this busy junction leading onto Walney Island it is a bit of a local tradition to hang homemade banners greeting Walney residents as they arrive onto the Island. Now the usual thing we see is "happy birthday" or congratulations on a couples engagement or wedding anniversary. But the huge banner that someone had taken quite a lot of time and trouble to erect over the weekend has me baffled. It reads "welcome home Bobby K RN 2 yrs GBH.  What the heck is that all about? Are they welcoming home somebody called Bobby who has been in prison for two years for grievous bodily harm?  Or has it some other more cryptic meaning, none of my passengers seemed to know anything of it but most seemed to go along with the Bobby K getting out of prison scenario. Who knows the truth behind it eh!