My intention was to give you a little excerpt from "La Tirade du nez" of Edmond de Rostand -- the story of Cyrano de Bergerac, he of the Big Nose fame -- and a classical and brilliant political satire of the time. And such is the vagaries of internet research -- instead of finding the script of the play and a bit of the rapier wit of Rostand, I came across a blog entitled The Nose on Your Face -- News so fake you'll swear it came from the mainstream media and the following transcript, posted by Buckley F. Williams, of the recent arrest of Mel Gibson! The blog can be given a skip, but this post is well worth a quick chucklish read!The saga of Mel Gibson's DUI arrest took an unexpected turn today when the transcript of the arresting officer's conversation with the acclaimed actor/producer was leaked to the public.
"I was a bit starstruck at first when I pulled him over," said the arresting officer, L.A. County Sheriff's Deputy James Mee. "I mean, this was Mel-freakin'-Gibson. I've been a huge fan of his since I was a kid. But after talking to him for about five seconds I realized that this was going to be business as usual."
Suspecting that there might be trouble, Deputy Mee made the decision to audiotape the encounter:
Deputy Mee: Do you know why I pulled you over Mr. Gibson?
Mel Gibson: I answer to no man. And who is this 'Mr. Gibson' you speak of with such familiarity?
Deputy Mee: The way you were driving you almost hit that guy a few miles back.Mel Gibson: He looked English to me.
Deputy Mee: If he hadn't jumped out of the way he'd be dead!
Mel Gibson: Aye, if he had stayed in my path he might have died, and if I drove sober he'd likely live. At least a while. And dying in his bed many years from now, would he be willing to trade all the nights from this night to that for one chance, just one chance, to stay out of the *&$?/ road while I was driving?!?!?
Deputy Mee: He was on the sidewalk when your car jumped the curb.
Mel Gibson: Lies!
Deputy Mee: License and registration please.
Mel Gibson: Did the vile fiend Edward the Long-shanks produce a license when he instituted his policies of theft, rape and murder on my countrymen?
Deputy Mee: Your countrymen?
Mel Gibson: Aye. My fellow Scotsmen.
Deputy Mee: Ummm... your Australian aren't you?
Mel Gibson: I answer to none save the Almighty.
Deputy Mee: Please step out of the car slowly and leave your hands where I can see them Mr. Gibson.
Mel Gibson: I think not. From what I've heard thus far, I have reason enough to suspect that you are merely a pawn of the Long-shanks.
Deputy Mee: Are you disobeying a direct order from a police officer?
Mel Gibson: From your kind? Absolutely. Here are my terms. Lower your weapon, and drive your iron horse straight back to your garrison stopping on your way to give a bottle of Glenfiddich to every Scotsman you see...
Deputy Mee: (Into his radio) I'm gonna need some back up on this one.
Mel Gibson: ...along the way. Do this and you may live. Do it not and I'll cut your *&%!?/ off! (Pulling out a six-foot sword)... You may take my life... but you'll never take... my car keysssss!!!!
Deputy Mee: Better make it quick.
End of transcript.
But back to Cyrano! Last Thursday we were delighted with a visit from the man himself -- albeit with the help of the appropriately large plastic nose -- the sheer wealth of knowledge of Rostand's work both in French and English -- and, of course, his red boots -- more than made up for that!
I never got the real name of the actor - he was that convincing, (and his RED boots were that deliciously decadently gorgeous! -- that I simply continued to address him by the name of Cyrano! But by all means, I strongly recommend you contact him at ofil@wanadoo.fr if you want excellent entertainment at your next event, dinner party or get-together of friends. He will regale, delight and thrill you with his quick repartee and outstanding performance of La Tirade du Nez -- or the Tirade of the Nose, by Edmond Rostand (and the boots)!Click on Link:
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